Mark Twain quotes - page 33

My memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges. (Mark Twain)
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown in the law, concealment of it will do. View quote
Mark Twain
Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself. View quote
Mark Twain
I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: "Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together. View quote
Mark Twain
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way. View quote
Mark Twain
I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble. View quote
Mark Twain
My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest. View quote
Mark Twain
Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do but they think with their party, not independently they read its literature, but not that of the other side. View quote
Mark Twain
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. View quote
Mark Twain
I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them. View quote
Mark Twain
We are discreet sheep we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. We have two opinions one private, which we are afraid to express and another one the one we use which we force ourselves to wear to please Mrs. Grundy, until habit makes us comfortable in it, and the custom of defending it presently makes us love it, adore it, and forget how pitifully we came by it. Look at it in politics. (Mark Twain)
I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer. View quote
Mark Twain
I was born modest not all over, but in spots. View quote
Mark Twain
He liked to like people, therefore people liked him. View quote
Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges, have two great functions to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.1908, notebook. View quote
Mark Twain
Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not information. View quote
Mark Twain
There is nothing like instances to grow hair on a bald-headed argument. View quote
Mark Twain
A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law. View quote
Mark Twain
One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself. View quote
Mark Twain
India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most astrictive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only. View quote
Mark Twain
To eat in human. To digest divine. (Mark Twain)
Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd saw I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him. View quote
Mark Twain
The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is--a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. But a mob without any MAN at the head of it is BENEATH pitifulness. View quote
Mark Twain
An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere. View quote
Mark Twain
It takes me along time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog. View quote
Mark Twain