Mark Twain quotes - page 32

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt. (Mark Twain)
Cold If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd have frozen to death. View quote
Mark Twain
No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live. View quote
Mark Twain
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write ''metropolis'' for seven cents, because I can get the same money for ''city'.' I never write ''policeman',' because I can get the same price for ''cop'.'... I never write ''valetudinarian'' at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents I wouldn't do it for fifteen. View quote
Mark Twain
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right. View quote
Mark Twain
Nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kind of people. View quote
Mark Twain
Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows. View quote
Mark Twain
The offspring of riches Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny. View quote
Mark Twain
Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed. View quote
Mark Twain
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened. View quote
Mark Twain
There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land Again after a cheerful, careless voyage. (Mark Twain)
A public library is the most enduring of memorials, the trustiest monument for the preservation of an event or a name or an affection for it, and it only, is respected by wars and revolutions, and survives them. View quote
Mark Twain
An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth. View quote
Mark Twain
We ought never to do wrong when people are looking. View quote
Mark Twain
I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it. View quote
Mark Twain
If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary. View quote
Mark Twain
There aint no way to find out why a snorer cant hear himself more. View quote
Mark Twain
There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. View quote
Mark Twain
Whem I'm playful I use the meridians and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder. View quote
Mark Twain
It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. View quote
Mark Twain
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead. (Mark Twain)
He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming. View quote
Mark Twain
If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile. View quote
Mark Twain
Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity these are strictly confined to man he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed. View quote
Mark Twain
In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. View quote
Mark Twain