Mark Twain quotes - page 31

In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that. (Mark Twain)
Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for 'the universal brotherhood of man' - with his mouth. View quote
Mark Twain
A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public. View quote
Mark Twain
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help. View quote
Mark Twain
You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda. View quote
Mark Twain
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. View quote
Mark Twain
The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds. View quote
Mark Twain
To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his time, not ours. View quote
Mark Twain
I have not a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming vices. View quote
Mark Twain
One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge. View quote
Mark Twain
Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages. (Mark Twain)
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. View quote
Mark Twain
What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval. View quote
Mark Twain
My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to... its office holders. View quote
Mark Twain
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. View quote
Mark Twain
One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation. View quote
Mark Twain
Faith is believing what you know aint so. View quote
Mark Twain
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. View quote
Mark Twain
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense. View quote
Mark Twain
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card. View quote
Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so. (Mark Twain)
No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave. View quote
Mark Twain
Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season. View quote
Mark Twain
Always obey your parents - when they are present. View quote
Mark Twain
We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things and yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy for us. View quote
Mark Twain