Mark Twain quotes - page 30

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. (Mark Twain)
You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use. View quote
Mark Twain
In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. View quote
Mark Twain
Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. View quote
Mark Twain
Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it. View quote
Mark Twain
Brooklyn praise is half slander. View quote
Mark Twain
Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. View quote
Mark Twain
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press. View quote
Mark Twain
There is no security in life, only opportunity. View quote
Mark Twain
Adam was the luckiest man he had no mother-in-law. View quote
Mark Twain
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him. (Mark Twain)
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least. View quote
Mark Twain
If you have nothing to say, say nothing. View quote
Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. View quote
Mark Twain
There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. View quote
Mark Twain
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals. View quote
Mark Twain
We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance - and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain. View quote
Mark Twain
It is better to give than receive- especially advice. View quote
Mark Twain
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. View quote
Mark Twain
When one has tasted it Watermelon he knows what the angels eat. View quote
Mark Twain
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. (Mark Twain)
No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies. View quote
Mark Twain
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. View quote
Mark Twain
Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable. View quote
Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. View quote
Mark Twain