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Mark Twain quotes - page 29
There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer them, or turn them into literature.
Mark Twain
Just when I thought I was learning how to live, 'twas then I realized I was learning how to die.
Mark Twain
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Mark Twain
Work like you don't need the money. Dance like no one is watching. And love like you've never been hurt.
Mark Twain
Well, everybody does it that way, Huck." "Tom, I am not everybody.
Mark Twain
Huck was always willing to take a hand in any enterprise that offered entertainment and required no capital, for he had a troublesome super-abundance of that sort of time which ismoney.
Mark Twain
I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.
Mark Twain
If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.
Mark Twain
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Mark Twain
We can't all be heros because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Mark Twain
Adam's temperament was the first command the Deity ever issued to a human being on this planet. And it was the only command Adam would never be able to disobey. It said, "Be weak, be water, be characterless, be cheaply persuadable." The later command, to let the fruit alone, was certain to be disobeyed. Not by Adam himself, but by his temperament.
Mark Twain
That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane.
Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, "It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time."
Mark Twain
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
Mark Twain
In God We Trust.
Mark Twain
All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
Mark Twain
Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
Mark Twain
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
Mark Twain
The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Mark Twain
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