Mark Twain quotes - page 27

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. (Mark Twain)
A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining. View quote
Mark Twain
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. View quote
Mark Twain
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. View quote
Mark Twain
Buy land, they're not making it anymore. View quote
Mark Twain
I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it. View quote
Mark Twain
A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't. View quote
Mark Twain
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately. View quote
Mark Twain
It were not best that we should all think alike it is the difference of opinion that makes horse races. View quote
Mark Twain
My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. View quote
Mark Twain
Whiskey is for drinking. Water is for fighting over. (Mark Twain)
The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future. View quote
Mark Twain
The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten. View quote
Mark Twain
Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon. View quote
Mark Twain
The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell together, as quickly as possible. View quote
Mark Twain
When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one. View quote
Mark Twain
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. View quote
Mark Twain
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. View quote
Mark Twain
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a women is, until after considerable acquaintance with her. View quote
Mark Twain
The ancients stole all our great ideas. View quote
Mark Twain
What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes. (Mark Twain)
Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer. View quote
Mark Twain
If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility. View quote
Mark Twain
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word. View quote
Mark Twain
To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable-like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death. View quote
Mark Twain