Mark Twain quotes - page 2

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. (Mark Twain)
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. View quote
Mark Twain
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. View quote
Mark Twain
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. View quote
Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. View quote
Mark Twain
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times. View quote
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. View quote
Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. View quote
Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. View quote
Mark Twain
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. View quote
Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. (Mark Twain)
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. View quote
Mark Twain
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little. View quote
Mark Twain
"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read. View quote
Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. View quote
Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. View quote
Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. View quote
Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. View quote
Mark Twain
The secret to getting ahead is getting started. View quote
Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. View quote
Mark Twain
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. (Mark Twain)
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. View quote
Mark Twain
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. View quote
Mark Twain
Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. View quote
Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as a good example. View quote
Mark Twain