Jon Stewart quotes - page 6

If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. (Jon Stewart)
That theater doesn't make for authentic public discourse. View quote
Jon Stewart
Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people. View quote
Jon Stewart
[with Stephen Colbert, after presenting the award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series to Ricky Gervais and being informed that Gervais was not there] Ricky Gervais couldn't be here tonight, so instead we're going to give this to our friend Steve Carell. View quote
Jon Stewart
I heard someone on the news say, well, "tragedy has visited this church.”. View quote
Jon Stewart
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings. View quote
Jon Stewart
President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader. View quote
Jon Stewart
I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963. View quote
Jon Stewart
I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else. View quote
Jon Stewart
A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.' View quote
Jon Stewart
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. (Jon Stewart)
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it! View quote
Jon Stewart
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. View quote
Jon Stewart
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you. View quote
Jon Stewart
I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' View quote
Jon Stewart
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid. View quote
Jon Stewart
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news. View quote
Jon Stewart
I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. View quote
Jon Stewart
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. View quote
Jon Stewart
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is. View quote
Jon Stewart
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. (Jon Stewart)
I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor. View quote
Jon Stewart
If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets. View quote
Jon Stewart
That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you want that? Go to Canada my friend. Believe me, rocks and snow are overrated. I've seen otters-they look better covered in oil. View quote
Jon Stewart
Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference? View quote
Jon Stewart