Jon Stewart quotes - page 3

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is. (Jon Stewart)
Robert Novak] apparently, they say, broke his hip. I think it's not the case. I believe his hip tried to escape. View quote
Jon Stewart
I signed up for what? I thought I was just ordering cable. View quote
Jon Stewart
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake. View quote
Jon Stewart
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? View quote
Jon Stewart
Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. View quote
Jon Stewart
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams. View quote
Jon Stewart
Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot. View quote
Jon Stewart
If everything is amplified, we hear nothing. View quote
Jon Stewart
We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. View quote
Jon Stewart
To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak. (Jon Stewart)
And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k. View quote
Jon Stewart
We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry. View quote
Jon Stewart
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning. View quote
Jon Stewart
The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church. View quote
Jon Stewart
The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness. View quote
Jon Stewart
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect. View quote
Jon Stewart
No one is better at not beating America than England. View quote
Jon Stewart
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay. View quote
Jon Stewart
There are terrorists and racists and Stalinists and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned. You must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists and tea partiers, or real bigots and Juan Williams and Rick Sanchez is an insult - not only to those people, but to the racists themselves, who have put forth the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish between terrorists and Muslims makes us less safe, not more. View quote
Jon Stewart
Dedication: To the huddled masses, keep yearnin! (Jon Stewart)
What is the fear of the "gay agenda" that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? "You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument..." View quote
Jon Stewart
For those of you who are keeping score at home, I just want to make something very clear: Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one. View quote
Jon Stewart
That's the embarrassment. The embarrassment is that I'm given credibility in this world, because of the disappointment that the public has in what the news media does. Not because I have an ideological agenda. View quote
Jon Stewart
[Fox News has] taken reasonable concerns about this president and this economy and turned it into a full-fledged panic about the next coming of Chairman Mao. View quote
Jon Stewart