Neil Simon quotes

Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life. (Neil Simon)
Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.
Neil Simon
People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?
Neil Simon
I LOVE living, I have some problems with my LIFE, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.
Neil Simon
Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage...Like two out of every ten couples.
Neil Simon
When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.
Neil Simon
There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.
Neil Simon
If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.
Neil Simon
You're welcome to take a bath. You look like the second week of the garbage strike.
Neil Simon
If you can go through life without ever experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet. And if you've gone through pain and think you know exactly why, you haven't examined all the options.
Neil Simon
If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet. (Neil Simon)
You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.
Neil Simon
Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.
Neil Simon
And so she lived...hopefully...ever after.
Neil Simon
A writer without confidence is like a metaphor without something to compare itself to.
Neil Simon
See also Brighton Beach Memoirs, The Goodbye Girl, Murder by Death, and The Odd Couple.
Neil Simon
Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.
Neil Simon
Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.
Neil Simon
Nathan Lane always wanted to play Oscar. When he came in the first day, he already knew his lines. He said he'd known them since he was 18.
Neil Simon
New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.
Neil Simon
Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count. (Neil Simon)