Chris Rock quotes - page 2

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. (Chris Rock)
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty. View quote
Chris Rock
You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips. View quote
Chris Rock
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. View quote
Chris Rock
I do what I can do when I can do it. View quote
Chris Rock
Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!' View quote
Chris Rock
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. View quote
Chris Rock
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!" View quote
Chris Rock
The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body. View quote
Chris Rock
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest! View quote
Chris Rock
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. (Chris Rock)
Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks. View quote
Chris Rock
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life. View quote
Chris Rock
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won! View quote
Chris Rock
They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come. View quote
Chris Rock
A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House. View quote
Chris Rock
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson. View quote
Chris Rock
Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars. View quote
Chris Rock
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!' View quote
Chris Rock
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I'm at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!" View quote
Chris Rock
It's hard for a man to turn down sex ... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. (Chris Rock)
Our next presenter is the first woman to ever breast-feed an Apple – Gwyneth Paltrow. View quote
Chris Rock
When a woman get pregnant, it's an issue between her and her girlfriends. When a woman get pregnant, her and her girlfriends form an abortion tribunal, and they vote on the child like it was Survivor. Then the first girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Child, you should have that baby, that man got some good hair, it's wavy, it's wavy." Then second girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Girl, why are we even talking about this? Ain't we supposed to go to Cancun next weekend? Get rid of that baby." And that's how life is decided in America. View quote
Chris Rock
If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you. View quote
Chris Rock
I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law. View quote
Chris Rock