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Chris Rock quotes
George Bush hates midgets.
Chris Rock
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Chris Rock
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
Chris Rock
Do you know what the good side of crack is If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for 1.50. You can furnish your whole house for 10.95.
Chris Rock
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
Chris Rock
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
Chris Rock
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
Chris Rock
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.
Chris Rock
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"
Chris Rock
Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.
Chris Rock
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
Chris Rock
You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
Chris Rock
You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
Chris Rock
So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America ... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's trying keep the Feds off her back.
Chris Rock
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"
Chris Rock
See... Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her!
Chris Rock
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl."
Chris Rock
A man is only as faithful as his options.
Chris Rock
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Chris Rock
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Chris Rock
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Chris Rock
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock
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