Joan Rivers quotes - page 3

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent. (Joan Rivers)
Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be. View quote
Joan Rivers
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are. View quote
Joan Rivers
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. View quote
Joan Rivers
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened. View quote
Joan Rivers
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. View quote
Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. View quote
Joan Rivers
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' View quote
Joan Rivers
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care. View quote
Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found. View quote
Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. (Joan Rivers)
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. View quote
Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. View quote
Joan Rivers
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top. View quote
Joan Rivers
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house. View quote
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. View quote
Joan Rivers
I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is the boss - no matter what they tell you. View quote
Joan Rivers
I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider. View quote
Joan Rivers
Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough. View quote
Joan Rivers
Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life. View quote
Joan Rivers
Never buy a fur from a vegetarian. (Joan Rivers)
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers. View quote
Joan Rivers
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning. View quote
Joan Rivers
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day. View quote
Joan Rivers
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar. View quote
Joan Rivers