Joan Rivers quotes - page 2

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. (Joan Rivers)
[Catchphrase:] Can we talk? View quote
Joan Rivers
Why do wives have to spend so much time dusting, vacuuming, mopping, making beds, washing dishes, when you just have to do it all again six months later? View quote
Joan Rivers
Two is company; three is fifty bucks. View quote
Joan Rivers
[Catchphrase:] Oh, grow up! View quote
Joan Rivers
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something. View quote
Joan Rivers
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us. View quote
Joan Rivers
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. View quote
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage. View quote
Joan Rivers
I am furious about everything. View quote
Joan Rivers
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress. (Joan Rivers)
I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show. View quote
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice. View quote
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth. View quote
Joan Rivers
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. View quote
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality. View quote
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible. View quote
Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting. View quote
Joan Rivers
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. View quote
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. View quote
Joan Rivers
I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented. (Joan Rivers)
I was not an attractive child. View quote
Joan Rivers
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her. View quote
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool. View quote
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me. View quote
Joan Rivers