Joe Orton quotes

With madness, as with vomit, it's the passerby who receives the inconvenience. (Joe Orton)
I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.
Joe Orton
On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."
Joe Orton
Hal: God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes.
Joe Orton
Fay: What will you do when you're old? Hal: I shall die. Fay: I see you're determined to run the gamut of all experience.
Joe Orton
Nick: I've also found someone to take an option on the photographs. Mrs Prentice: What photographs? Nick: I had a camera concealed in the room. Mrs Prentice: When I gave myself to you the contract didn't include cinematic rights. Nick: I'd like a hundred quid for the negatives. You've got until lunchtime. Mrs Prentice: I shall complain to the manager. Nick: It will do you no good. He took the photographs. Mrs. Prentice: Oh, this is scandalous! I'm a married woman. Nick: You didn't behave like a married woman last night.
Joe Orton
Prentice: My nerves are on edge. Rance: You should consult a qualified psychiatrist. Prentice: I am a qualified psychiatrist. Rance: You're a fool. That isn't quite the same thing. Though, in your case, the two may have much in common.
Joe Orton
Usual messages from the heads of the establishment. The Queen from Windsor, the Pope from Rome: Pilate and Caiaphas celebrating the birth of Christ.
Joe Orton
Mrs Prentice: Have you taken up transvestism? I'd no idea our marriage teetered on the edge of fashion.
Joe Orton
Truscott: Why aren't you both at the funeral? I thought you were mourners. Fay: We decided not to go. We were afraid we might break down. Truscott: That's a selfish attitude to take. The dead can't bury themselves, you know.
Joe Orton
Geraldine: I've no idea who my father was. Prentice: I'd better be frank, Miss Barclay. I can't employ you if you're in any way miraculous. It would be contrary to established practice. You did have a father? Geraldine: Oh, I'm sure I did. My mother was frugal in her habits, but she'd never economize unwisely. (Joe Orton)
Fay: The Ten Commandments. She was a great believer in some of them.
Joe Orton
Hal: Bury her naked? My own mum? It's a Freudian nightmare. Dennis: I won't disagree. Hal: Aren't we committing some kind of unforgivable sin? Dennis: Only if you're a Catholic. Hal: I am a Catholic. I can't undress her. She's a relative. I can go to Hell for it. Dennis: I'll undress her then. I don't believe in Hell. Hal: That's typical of your upbringing, baby. Every luxury was lavished on you - atheism, breast-feeding, circumcision. I had to make my own way.
Joe Orton
McLeavy: Has no one considered my feelings in all this? Truscott: What percentage do you want? McLeavy: I don't want money. I'm an honest man. Truscott: You'll have to mend your ways then.
Joe Orton
Prentice: This appalling situation is the result of my lax moral code. It's clean living and Teach Yourself Woodwork for me from now on!
Joe Orton
Geraldine: I'm quite sane! Rance: Pull yourself together. Why have you been certified if you're sane? Even for a madwoman you're unusually dense.
Joe Orton
Geraldine: We must tell the truth! Prentice: That's a thoroughly defeatist attitude.
Joe Orton
McLeavy: I'm innocent. (A little unsure of himself, the beginnings of panic) Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Joe Orton
Truscott (shouting, knocking Hal to the floor): Under any other political system I'd have you on the floor in tears! Hal (crying): You've got me on the floor in tears!
Joe Orton
McLeavy: Where did I go wrong? His upbringing was faultless. Did you lead him astray? Dennis: I was innocent till I met him. Hal: You met me when you were three days old.
Joe Orton
Sir - As a playgoer of forty years standing, may I say that I heartily agree with Peter Pinnell in his condemnation of Entertaining Mr Sloane.I myself was nauseated by this endless parade of mental and physical perversion. And to be told that such a disgusting piece of filth now passes for humour!Today's young playwrights take it upon themselves to flaunt their contempt for ordinary decent people. I hope that the ordinary decent people of this country will shortly strike back!Yours truly,Edna Welthorpe (Mrs) (Joe Orton)
Prentice: I'm not mad. It only looks that way. Rance: Your actions today would get the Archbishop of Canterbury declared non-compos. Prentice: I'm not the Archbishop of Canterbury. Rance: That will come at a later stage of your illness.
Joe Orton
Fay: I'm innocent till I'm proved guilty. This is a free country. The law is impartial. Truscott: Who's been filling your head with that rubbish? Fay: I can't be had for anything. You've no proof. Truscott: When I make out my report I shall say you've given me a confession. It could prejudice your case if I have to forge one.
Joe Orton
The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.
Joe Orton
The humble and meek are thirsting for lood.
Joe Orton