Ogden Nash quotes

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. (Ogden Nash)
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Ogden Nash
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
Ogden Nash
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? (Ogden Nash)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Ogden Nash
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Ogden Nash
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Ogden Nash
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Ogden Nash
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Ogden Nash
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash
I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.
Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. (Ogden Nash)
If called by a panther,don't anther.
Ogden Nash
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy, You've had about seven hours' sleep since Friday, No wonder you feel that lost sensation You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Ogden Nash
The turtle lives twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
Ogden Nash
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash