Wilson Mizner quotes

When you take stuff from one author, it's plagiarism if you take it from many writers, it's research. (Wilson Mizner)
Always be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
Wilson Mizner
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
Wilson Mizner
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Wilson Mizner
A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
Wilson Mizner
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
Wilson Mizner
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
Wilson Mizner
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
Wilson Mizner
Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner
The first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. (Wilson Mizner)
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
Wilson Mizner
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
Wilson Mizner
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Wilson Mizner
God help those who do not help themselves.
Wilson Mizner
I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
Wilson Mizner
Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.
Wilson Mizner
The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
Wilson Mizner
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
Wilson Mizner
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
Wilson Mizner
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton. (Wilson Mizner)
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
Wilson Mizner
Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
Wilson Mizner
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
Wilson Mizner
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
Wilson Mizner