Groucho Marx quotes - page 9

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. (Groucho Marx)
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. View quote
Groucho Marx
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar. View quote
Groucho Marx
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. View quote
Groucho Marx
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor. View quote
Groucho Marx
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. View quote
Groucho Marx
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it. View quote
Groucho Marx
I'll put off readingfor six more years until she turns 18. View quote
Groucho Marx
If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you! View quote
Groucho Marx
I did a bond tour during the Second World War... We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St. Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities." View quote
Groucho Marx
Firefly Where is your husband Mrs. Teasdale Why, he's dead. Firefly I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale I was with him to the very end. Firefly Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly Oh I see. Then, it was murder. (Groucho Marx)
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill. View quote
Groucho Marx
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls. View quote
Groucho Marx
Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet![citation needed] (Variation on an old Royal Navy wardroom toast: "Wives and Sweethearts! May they never meet!"[citation needed]) View quote
Groucho Marx
I like pancakes, but I haven't got a closet full of them! View quote
Groucho Marx