Groucho Marx quotes - page 8

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written. (Groucho Marx)
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man. View quote
Groucho Marx
Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty 'The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you.' Firefly replies 'Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.' View quote
Groucho Marx
A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded. View quote
Groucho Marx
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. View quote
Groucho Marx
Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it. View quote
Groucho Marx
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire! View quote
Groucho Marx
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party. View quote
Groucho Marx
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. View quote
Groucho Marx
Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money wont make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, its a lovely thing to have around the house. View quote
Groucho Marx
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done. (Groucho Marx)
TV is the rat race of the century. View quote
Groucho Marx
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you. View quote
Groucho Marx
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers. View quote
Groucho Marx
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right. View quote
Groucho Marx
Home is where you hang your head. View quote
Groucho Marx
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood. View quote
Groucho Marx
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure. View quote
Groucho Marx
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight. View quote
Groucho Marx
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? View quote
Groucho Marx
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks. (Groucho Marx)
Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor. View quote
Groucho Marx
You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles. View quote
Groucho Marx
There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one. View quote
Groucho Marx
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. View quote
Groucho Marx