Groucho Marx quotes - page 6

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff. (Groucho Marx)
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true. View quote
Groucho Marx
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. View quote
Groucho Marx
Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free! View quote
Groucho Marx
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. View quote
Groucho Marx
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar. View quote
Groucho Marx
Whoever named necking was a poor judge of anatomy. View quote
Groucho Marx
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have! View quote
Groucho Marx
Any place I hang my head is home. View quote
Groucho Marx
Was that you or the duck? View quote
Groucho Marx
I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how! (Groucho Marx)
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses. View quote
Groucho Marx
That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus. View quote
Groucho Marx
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. View quote
Groucho Marx
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. View quote
Groucho Marx
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going. View quote
Groucho Marx
Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books. View quote
Groucho Marx
I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late. View quote
Groucho Marx
A likely story - and probably true. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. View quote
Groucho Marx
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. (Groucho Marx)
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. View quote
Groucho Marx
I got $25 from Reader's Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: "I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally"? I never said that. View quote
Groucho Marx
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. View quote
Groucho Marx
How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery. View quote
Groucho Marx