Groucho Marx quotes - page 5

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. (Groucho Marx)
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. View quote
Groucho Marx
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. View quote
Groucho Marx
Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere. View quote
Groucho Marx
Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight. View quote
Groucho Marx
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you. View quote
Groucho Marx
We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own. View quote
Groucho Marx
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.) View quote
Groucho Marx
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh? View quote
Groucho Marx
Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers! View quote
Groucho Marx
You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (Groucho Marx)
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. View quote
Groucho Marx
I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:. View quote
Groucho Marx
They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest. View quote
Groucho Marx
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are. View quote
Groucho Marx
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. View quote
Groucho Marx
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. View quote
Groucho Marx
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. View quote
Groucho Marx
Blood's not thicker than money. View quote
Groucho Marx
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. (Groucho Marx)
Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket. View quote
Groucho Marx
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. View quote
Groucho Marx
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. View quote
Groucho Marx
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. View quote
Groucho Marx