Groucho Marx quotes - page 4

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. (Groucho Marx)
Women should be obscene and not heard. View quote
Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. View quote
Groucho Marx
The only real laughter comes from despair. View quote
Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? View quote
Groucho Marx
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. View quote
Groucho Marx
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! View quote
Groucho Marx
Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind. View quote
Groucho Marx
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. (Groucho Marx)
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. View quote
Groucho Marx
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed. View quote
Groucho Marx
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. View quote
Groucho Marx
To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx. View quote
Groucho Marx
All geniuses die young. View quote
Groucho Marx
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. View quote
Groucho Marx
Hello, I must be going. View quote
Groucho Marx
Don't point that beard at me, it might go off. View quote
Groucho Marx
Go, and never darken my towels again. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. (Groucho Marx)
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. View quote
Groucho Marx
Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do! View quote
Groucho Marx
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. View quote
Groucho Marx
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? View quote
Groucho Marx