Groucho Marx quotes - page 3

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. (Groucho Marx)
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women. View quote
Groucho Marx
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. View quote
Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. View quote
Groucho Marx
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. View quote
Groucho Marx
I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you. View quote
Groucho Marx
I don't care to join and club that's prepared to have me as a member. View quote
Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. View quote
Groucho Marx
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication. View quote
Groucho Marx
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. View quote
Groucho Marx
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. (Groucho Marx)
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed. View quote
Groucho Marx
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. View quote
Groucho Marx
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'. View quote
Groucho Marx
Do you mind if I don't smoke? View quote
Groucho Marx
Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet! View quote
Groucho Marx
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. View quote
Groucho Marx
I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. View quote
Groucho Marx
I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER". View quote
Groucho Marx
Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out. View quote
Groucho Marx
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. (Groucho Marx)
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. View quote
Groucho Marx
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun. View quote
Groucho Marx
Time wounds all heels. View quote
Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. View quote
Groucho Marx