Groucho Marx quotes - page 2

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. View quote
Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. View quote
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. View quote
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. View quote
Groucho Marx
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. View quote
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? View quote
Groucho Marx
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. View quote
Groucho Marx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. View quote
Groucho Marx
I don't have a photograph. I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks. View quote
Groucho Marx
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. (Groucho Marx)
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. View quote
Groucho Marx
Whatever it is, I'm against it. View quote
Groucho Marx
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. View quote
Groucho Marx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? View quote
Groucho Marx
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. View quote
Groucho Marx
Before I speak, I have something important to say. View quote
Groucho Marx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels. View quote
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. View quote
Groucho Marx
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. View quote
Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. (Groucho Marx)
I must confess, I was born at a very early age. View quote
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad. View quote
Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. View quote
Groucho Marx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! View quote
Groucho Marx