Groucho Marx quotes

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. View quote
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. View quote
Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. View quote
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. View quote
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. View quote
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. View quote
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. View quote
Groucho Marx
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. View quote
Groucho Marx
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook. View quote
Groucho Marx
Room service? Send up a larger room." []. (Groucho Marx)
She got her good looks from her father - he's a plastic surgeon. View quote
Groucho Marx
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. View quote
Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. View quote
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. View quote
Groucho Marx
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. View quote
Groucho Marx
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. View quote
Groucho Marx
[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. View quote
Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying. View quote
Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. View quote
Groucho Marx
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. (Groucho Marx)
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. View quote
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. View quote
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. View quote
Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. View quote
Groucho Marx