Tom Lehrer quotes - page 3

We will all go together when we go Every Hottentot and every Eskimo When the air becomes uraneous We will all go simultaneous Oh, we all will go together when we go. (Tom Lehrer)
Any ideas expressed on this record should not be taken as representing Mr. Lehrer's true convictions, for indeed he has none. "If anyone objects to any statement I make," he has said, "I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever made it." View quote
Tom Lehrer
And that is the story of Alma, Who knew how to receive and to give. The body that reached her embalma' Was one that had known how to live. View quote
Tom Lehrer
It's only for a week so have no fear! Be grateful that it doesn't last all year! View quote
Tom Lehrer
The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted. The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be. View quote
Tom Lehrer
The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability. View quote
Tom Lehrer
I don't like people to get the idea that I have to do this for a living. I mean, it isn't as though I had to do this, you know, I could be making, oh, 3000 dollars a year just teaching. View quote
Tom Lehrer
As long as you're billed as a comedian, I guess you can say anything. View quote
Tom Lehrer
I don't understand poetry. We studied it in high school and college, but they never told us why it was good. View quote
Tom Lehrer
It's people like that who make you realize how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. (Tom Lehrer)
I have become, you might call it mature - I would call it senile - and I can see both sides. But you can't write a satirical song with 'but on the other hand' in it, or 'however'. It's got to be one-sided. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Last December 13th, there appeared in the newspapers the juiciest, spiciest, raciest obituary it has ever been my pleasure to read. View quote
Tom Lehrer
No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. View quote
Tom Lehrer
I would like to state at this time that I am not now and have never been... a member of the Boy Scouts of America. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Things are much more complicated. View quote
Tom Lehrer
I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Bad weather always looks worse through a window. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? View quote
Tom Lehrer
Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. View quote
Tom Lehrer
If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while. (Tom Lehrer)
I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. View quote
Tom Lehrer
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs. View quote
Tom Lehrer
In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.' View quote
Tom Lehrer
I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record. View quote
Tom Lehrer