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Peter Cook quotes
You realize that suicide's a criminal offense - In less enlightened times they'd have hung you for it.
Peter Cook
You know, I go to the theatre to be entertained... I don't want to see plays about rape, sodomy and drug addiction... I can get all that at home.
Peter Cook
Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony.
Peter Cook
I am blind, but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as broil. I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again.
Peter Cook
I've always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I've got hold of are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings, and a rotten load they are too, ones I could have very well done without.
Peter Cook
If there's one thing I can't bear, it's when hundreds of old men come creeping in through the window in the middle of the night and throw all manner of garbage over me. I can't bear that.
Peter Cook
I would like to like to make one thing clear at the very outset and that is, when you speak of a train robbery, this involved no loss of train, merely what I like to call the contents of the train, which were pilfered. We haven't lost a train since 1946, I believe it was - the year of the great snows when we mislaid a small one.
Peter Cook
The thing that makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room.
Peter Cook
If I did become Minister of Nudism, I'd be allowed to be on television every evening around nine thirty. I'd come on and say "Good evening. This is the Minister of Nudism. Take off your clothes and begin to dance about."
Peter Cook
What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages.
Peter Cook
We believe this to be the work of thieves, and I'll tell you why. The whole pattern is very reminiscent of past robberies where we have found thieves to be involved. The tell-tale loss of property - that's one of the signs we look for.
Peter Cook
Well, it's always very difficult to say what prompts anybody to do anything, let alone getting underwater and teaching ravens to fly. But I think it probably all dates back to a very early age, when I was quite a young fellow. My mother, Lady Beryl Streeb-Greebling, you know, the wonderful dancer - 107 tomorrow and still dancing - she came up to me in the conservatory - I was pruning some walnuts - and she said "Arthur" - I wasn't Sir Arthur in those days - she said "Arthur, if you don't get underwater and start teaching ravens to fly, I'll smash your stupid face off," and I think it was this that sort of first started my interest in the whole business of getting them underwater.
Peter Cook
Now, then, what'd you like to be first? Prime Minister? Oh, no - I've made that deal already.
Peter Cook
If a dog starts biting you, you can't kick it up the throat like it deserves. People always say "Oh dear, poor little dog, he was only trying to be friendly. That's the way he tries to be friendly, sniffing at your ankles and biting you, you cruel, wicked man."
Peter Cook
Tell God not to go away. I'll be back in a minute.
Peter Cook
I may have done some other things as good but I am sure none better. I haven't matured, progressed, grown, become deeper, wiser, or funnier. But then, I never thought I would.
Peter Cook
In the words of Marcel Proust - and this applies to any woman in the world - if you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is that they're coming out with, till ten minutes past four in the morning... you're in.
Peter Cook
It's the standard contract. Gives you seven wishes in accordance with the mystic rules of life. Seven Days of the Week, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers...
Peter Cook
The leg division, Mr Spiggot. You are deficient in it to the tune of one. Your right leg, I like. I like your right leg, it's a lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw it come in. I said, "that's a lovely leg for the role". I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is - neither have you. You fall down on your left.
Peter Cook
I am very interested in the Universe - I am specialising in the Universe and all that surrounds it.
Peter Cook
You are now to retire, as indeed should I, carefully to consider your verdict of "Not Guilty".
Peter Cook
We shall move about in people's rooms and say, "Excuse me, we are the World Domination League. May we dominate you?" Then, if they say "Get out," of course we give up. Well, you have to give up if you're told to get out.
Peter Cook
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