Billy Connolly quotes - page 3

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying. (Billy Connolly)
I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything. View quote
Billy Connolly
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me. View quote
Billy Connolly
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days. View quote
Billy Connolly
outgrew the media ... The negativity felt like a disease. View quote
Billy Connolly
I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist. View quote
Billy Connolly
I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there. View quote
Billy Connolly
I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue. View quote
Billy Connolly
I don't aim to offend. View quote
Billy Connolly
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day. View quote
Billy Connolly
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time. (Billy Connolly)
There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge -- but not a sausage. View quote
Billy Connolly
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find. View quote
Billy Connolly
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can keep me awake for days.. View quote
Billy Connolly
There is no such thing as bad language: it's just our morals that are fucked. View quote
Billy Connolly
Apparently the only way to avoid a sudden agonising death, is to walk around in tights with a bottle of vinegar. I'd rather be fucking dead! View quote
Billy Connolly
Suicide fucking bombing, there's a bright idea! Every time there's a bang, the world's a wanker short! Fucking idiots! I want to see the instructor: "Right, lads, I'm only going to show you this once..." Fucking pricks! And it depends on what newspaper you read, how many virgins you get for blowing yourself up. How are you gonna shag them when you're now flying mince?! View quote
Billy Connolly
[stamps his foot, which knocks his drink over]. View quote
Billy Connolly
[to the front of audience]. View quote
Billy Connolly
We all know that at 5 in the morning the lanes behind hotels are full of children, especially wee blind ones who can't see fucking trucks coming. View quote
Billy Connolly