Billy Connolly quotes - page 2

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know. (Billy Connolly)

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Billy Connolly

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.

Billy Connolly

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

Billy Connolly

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Billy Connolly

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Billy Connolly

Who the fuck are you? Get out of my house...and take that fucking bulldozer with you.

Billy Connolly

Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.

Billy Connolly

That man (Ronald Reagan, who was President of the USA at the time), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!

Billy Connolly

Poos himself on stage, classic Billy.

Billy Connolly

(To audience members who were arriving late) You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here. (Billy Connolly)

You've made a happy man very old.

Billy Connolly

The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people"

Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Billy Connolly

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.

Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

Billy Connolly

Recently, I turned 60... and even more recently, I turned 62. That was a bastard, I don't even remember the 61.

Billy Connolly

I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.

Billy Connolly

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Billy Connolly

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? (Billy Connolly)

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

Billy Connolly

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

Billy Connolly

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

Billy Connolly

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

Billy Connolly

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