George Carlin quotes - page 8

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. (George Carlin)
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. View quote
George Carlin
Sometimes a little brain damage can help. View quote
George Carlin
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. View quote
George Carlin
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. View quote
George Carlin
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. View quote
George Carlin
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? View quote
George Carlin
People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day? View quote
George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff. View quote
George Carlin
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? View quote
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind. (George Carlin)
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store. View quote
George Carlin
A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed. View quote
George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? View quote
George Carlin
Is there another word for synonym? View quote
George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. View quote
George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. View quote
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? View quote
George Carlin
Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack. View quote
George Carlin
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes. View quote
George Carlin
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. (George Carlin)
The older you get, the better you realize you were. View quote
George Carlin
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. View quote
George Carlin
I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath. View quote
George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. View quote
George Carlin