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George Carlin quotes - page 4
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
George Carlin
I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
The seven dwarfs were each on different little trips. Happy was into grass and grass alone ... Happy, that's all he did. Sleepy was into reds. Grumpy, too much speed. Sneezy was a full blown coke freak. Doc was a connection. Dopey was into everything. Any old orifice will do for Dopey. He's always got his arm out and his leg up. And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. Bashful didn't use drugs. He was paranoid on his own. Didn't need any help on that ladder.
George Carlin
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be "Governor bush." I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. (243)
George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practiceā€¯?
George Carlin
Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a... secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control language because that's the way you control thought, and basically that's the game they're in.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
George Carlin
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
George Carlin
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a word. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." "The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Must be another one of those "miracles."
George Carlin
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