George Carlin quotes - page 2

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? (George Carlin)
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck. View quote
George Carlin
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. View quote
George Carlin
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. View quote
George Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. View quote
George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. View quote
George Carlin
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. View quote
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. View quote
George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. View quote
George Carlin
All patriarchal societies are either preparing for war, at war, or recovering from war. View quote
George Carlin
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. (George Carlin)
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. View quote
George Carlin
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? View quote
George Carlin
For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat. View quote
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. View quote
George Carlin
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. View quote
George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning. View quote
George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. View quote
George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. View quote
George Carlin
"Undisputed heavyweight champion." Well, if it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about? View quote
George Carlin
The Planet is fine. The people are fucked. (George Carlin)
Look at what we'd kill: Mosquitos and flies. 'Cuz they're pests. Lions and tigers. 'Cuz it's fun! Chickens and pigs. 'Cuz we're hungry. Pheasants and quails. 'Cuz it's fun. And we're hungry. And people. We kill people... 'Cuz they're pests. And it's fun! View quote
George Carlin
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic. View quote
George Carlin
Always do whatever's next. View quote
George Carlin
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. View quote
George Carlin