George Burns quotes

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. (George Burns)
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. View quote
George Burns
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. View quote
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. View quote
George Burns
I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate. View quote
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. View quote
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. View quote
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. View quote
George Burns
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. View quote
George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. View quote
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. (George Burns)
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. View quote
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. View quote
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. View quote
George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. View quote
George Burns
If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. View quote
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. View quote
George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. View quote
George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. View quote
George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. View quote
George Burns
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. (George Burns)
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. View quote
George Burns
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. View quote
George Burns
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. View quote
George Burns
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile. View quote
George Burns