Erma Bombeck quotes - page 4

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies. (Erma Bombeck)
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
Erma Bombeck
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
Erma Bombeck
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Erma Bombeck
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Erma Bombeck
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. (Erma Bombeck)
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck
I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
Erma Bombeck
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck
Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
Erma Bombeck
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Erma Bombeck
Laugh now, cry later.
Erma Bombeck
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Erma Bombeck
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it. (Erma Bombeck)
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Erma Bombeck
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
God created man, but I could do better.
Erma Bombeck
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.
Erma Bombeck