Erma Bombeck quotes - page 3

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what. (Erma Bombeck)
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. View quote
Erma Bombeck
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. View quote
Erma Bombeck
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her. View quote
Erma Bombeck
I am not a glutton I am an explorer of food. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Never order food in excess of your body weight. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. View quote
Erma Bombeck
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? View quote
Erma Bombeck
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. (Erma Bombeck)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest. View quote
Erma Bombeck
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. View quote
Erma Bombeck
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. View quote
Erma Bombeck
I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. View quote
Erma Bombeck
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. (Erma Bombeck)
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them. View quote
Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. View quote
Erma Bombeck
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. View quote
Erma Bombeck