Dave Barry quotes - page 4

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. (Dave Barry)
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. View quote
Dave Barry
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating. View quote
Dave Barry
Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. View quote
Dave Barry
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. View quote
Dave Barry
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. View quote
Dave Barry
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. View quote
Dave Barry
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. View quote
Dave Barry
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. View quote
Dave Barry
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. View quote
Dave Barry
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home. (Dave Barry)
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. View quote
Dave Barry
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. View quote
Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. View quote
Dave Barry
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. View quote
Dave Barry
Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything. View quote
Dave Barry
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. View quote
Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. View quote
Dave Barry
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. View quote
Dave Barry
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. View quote
Dave Barry
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately. (Dave Barry)
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. View quote
Dave Barry
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. View quote
Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. View quote
Dave Barry
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. View quote
Dave Barry