Fred Allen quotes - page 3

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard let him worry about cutting it. (Fred Allen)
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. View quote
Fred Allen
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. View quote
Fred Allen
Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart. View quote
Fred Allen
The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. View quote
Fred Allen
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle. View quote
Fred Allen
A good comedian can say things funny and other guys just say funny things. View quote
Fred Allen
What does Sullivan do? He points at people. Rub meat on actors and dogs will do the same thing. View quote
Fred Allen
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. View quote
Fred Allen
All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea's navel and still have room left to conceal eight caraway seeds and an agent's heart. View quote
Fred Allen
He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. (Fred Allen)
He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down. View quote
Fred Allen