Fred Allen quotes - page 2

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. (Fred Allen)
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. View quote
Fred Allen
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. View quote
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. View quote
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. View quote
Fred Allen
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. View quote
Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. View quote
Fred Allen
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. View quote
Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. View quote
Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. View quote
Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. (Fred Allen)
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. View quote
Fred Allen
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. View quote
Fred Allen
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. View quote
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. View quote
Fred Allen
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. View quote
Fred Allen
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. View quote
Fred Allen
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. View quote
Fred Allen
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. View quote
Fred Allen
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. View quote
Fred Allen
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. (Fred Allen)
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. View quote
Fred Allen
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. View quote
Fred Allen
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. View quote
Fred Allen
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. View quote
Fred Allen