Fred Allen quotes

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. (Fred Allen)
California is a great place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. (Fred Allen)
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred Allen
I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Fred Allen
Advertising is 85 confusion and 15 commission.
Fred Allen
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. (Fred Allen)
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen