Rita Rudner quotes

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. (Rita Rudner)
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. View quote
Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. View quote
Rita Rudner
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. View quote
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. View quote
Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. View quote
Rita Rudner
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. View quote
Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. View quote
Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. View quote
Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. View quote
Rita Rudner
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. (Rita Rudner)
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'. View quote
Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. View quote
Rita Rudner
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. View quote
Rita Rudner
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about "New Car Interior?" View quote
Rita Rudner
I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident. View quote
Rita Rudner
To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. View quote
Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. View quote
Rita Rudner
A good place to meet men is at the dry cleaners. These men have jobs and usually bathe. View quote
Rita Rudner
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag. View quote
Rita Rudner
Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind. (Rita Rudner)
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' View quote
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before. View quote
Rita Rudner
Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature - marry a young one". View quote
Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. View quote
Rita Rudner