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David Letterman quotes - page 2
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
David Letterman
It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
David Letterman
Nice job...what the hell is U2 supposed to play?
David Letterman
Hey, John, I got a question! You need a ride to the airport?
David Letterman
I may not be smart enough to debate you point-for-point on this, but I have the feeling about 60% of what you say is crap.
David Letterman
How long have you been a black man?
David Letterman
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
David Letterman
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
David Letterman
For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
David Letterman
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
David Letterman
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
David Letterman
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
David Letterman
It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
David Letterman
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
David Letterman
If what you've done is stupid, but it works.. then it really isn't all that stupid.
David Letterman
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
David Letterman
I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.
David Letterman
It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress.
David Letterman
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
David Letterman
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