Stephen Colbert quotes - page 5

I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. (Stephen Colbert)
... why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies. View quote
Stephen Colbert
I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo! View quote
Stephen Colbert
The market is not finished. The market still has over nine thousand points to drop. We'll get to Christmas at least. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg. View quote
Stephen Colbert
I'm surprised at the reaction it got. I went down there and did exactly what I wanted. I didn't expect it to be some sort of cultural-political line in the sand. View quote
Stephen Colbert
And the older you get, the more you'll understand that - because it gets better. And people get nicer too. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Over the last five years you people were so good - over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew. (Stephen Colbert)
I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a comedian from stem to stern. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus. View quote
Stephen Colbert
I like the fact of John McCain's head being severed. Like that it will fit so much more nicely up George Bush's butt! View quote
Stephen Colbert
I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell. View quote
Stephen Colbert
I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone". View quote
Stephen Colbert
Answer honestly... Disabuse me of my ignorance. View quote
Stephen Colbert
In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. View quote
Stephen Colbert
Truthiness is tearing apart our country. View quote
Stephen Colbert
He wants to do the right thing but has none of the tools to achieve it. Because he has no curiosity, he doesn't like to read and he won't listen anybody, except the voices in his head. View quote
Stephen Colbert
But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you. (Stephen Colbert)
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America - with the exception of Fox News. View quote
Stephen Colbert
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. View quote
Stephen Colbert
And then I'm weak. As much as I want to make the audience laugh, I really want to make Jon laugh. View quote
Stephen Colbert
If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg. View quote
Stephen Colbert