Rodney Dangerfield quotes - page 3

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. (Rodney Dangerfield)
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. (Rodney Dangerfield)
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. (Rodney Dangerfield)
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me over and said. Look ... twins. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! View quote
Rodney Dangerfield