Rodney Dangerfield quotes

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. (Rodney Dangerfield)
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. View quote
Rodney Dangerfield