Lewis Grizzard quotes

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence. (Lewis Grizzard)

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Lewis Grizzard

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Lewis Grizzard

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard

There's a big difference between the words, ‘naked' and ‘nekkid.' ‘Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on - and you're up to something.

Lewis Grizzard

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Lewis Grizzard

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Lewis Grizzard

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

Lewis Grizzard

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Lewis Grizzard

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

Lewis Grizzard

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. (Lewis Grizzard)

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Lewis Grizzard

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Lewis Grizzard

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Lewis Grizzard

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

Lewis Grizzard